Why willpower may be the least efficient way to change: An interview with Maja Dijkic about her new book on "The possible Self"
Why willpower may be the least efficient way to change: An interview with Maja Dijkic about her new book on "The possible Self"
Issue 117: Author Maja Dijkic explains the changing your sense of self.
This week, we are pleased to feature an interview with Professor Maja Dijkic about her new book, The Possible Self: A Leader’s Guide to Personal Development. Maja is Associate Professor of Organizational Behavior and Human Resource Management at the Rotman School of Management. But we met her when we were all graduate students spending long days (and some long nights) in the sub-basement of the Psychology Department at the University of Toronto.
Most of us attempt to change by trying to control our behavior through willpower. This turns out to be the least efficient way of attempting change.
Her new book explores the reasons behind feeling unfulfilled in our lives despite achieving success and offers the holistic steps necessary to achieve lasting and whole-life change. Her book resonated with one of the core themes of this newsletter—and our own book—which is the flexibility of the self. But here she applies these concerns to leadership and personal development in a practical way.
What does your book teach us about social identity or group dynamics?
The more we fulfill our individual potential, the less pressure we put on our social identities to give us a sense of meaning and achievement. For example, the more we fulfill our creative, intellectual, romantic, relational, and spiritual potential, the less we will be rigidly attached to our social identifications (a lead engineer, a volunteer, a swimmer, a gardener) to prop up our sense of ‘Who am I’?
We may think that some social identities are so important to us that we should always be strongly attached to them. Think of the role of a ‘mom’ or a ‘volunteer.’ Yet if we can’t easily leave behind the role of a ‘mom’ when in a boardroom (and end up ‘mothering’ the board members), or when having a night out with girlfriends, we stop being able to grow all parts of ourselves. Similarly, rigidly identifying as a ‘volunteer,’ may prevent us from taking a pause in our volunteering efforts when we feel close to burnout.
No matter what identity we inhabit, it’s important to hold it loosely, so we can step in and out of it, as our life and development requires. And, of course, there is a part of ourselves that needs to be kept outside all roles, just for us, so that we can replenish the energy needed to step joyfully into our social identities.
What is the most important idea readers will learn from your book?
There are two central ideas in this book.
The first is that the greatest development comes not from capitalizing on our strengths but from identifying and growing the most underdeveloped parts of ourselves—those parts that are most resistant to change.
The second idea explains why we abandon those parts of ourselves: because most of us attempt to change by trying to control our behavior through willpower. This turns out to be the least efficient way of attempting change. Why? Because in addition to behavior, four more parts of self – mind, emotion, motivation, and old neural pathways carried in the body need to change as well, if we want true transformation to happen. This book uses psychology and neuroscience research to explain why only targeting one or two parts of self makes sustained change impossible. Rather, using targeted techniques to move all parts of self simultaneously appears to be a necessary condition for full transformation.
Why did you write this book and how did writing it change you?
I’ve encountered many successful people who excelled at societally approved ‘paths,’ and still felt stagnant and unfulfilled. Often they would resign to a simmering sense of stagnation, stuckness, or desperation. What I heard from them was ‘This is who I am,’ ‘This is how grown-up life is.’ The implicit assumption was that once adults ‘settle’ into their lives, all the joy, playfulness, and a sense of endless opportunities that we feel as children are left behind. It has been an enormous privilege for me to see many of those same people regain that sense of joyful development, ‘restart’ their development, and feel as excited about their lives as they were in times of most intense growth.
What will readers find provocative or controversial about your book?
1. Contrary to common assumptions, personality is not genetic and it changes over time. The developmental potential is often hidden in learning skills on the opposite pole of our ‘personality.’ For example, if we think of ourselves as always ‘assertive,’ it may be time to learn patience and empathy; if we are always ‘agreeable,’ we may need to learn the skill of assertiveness.
2. Self-change does not always happen slowly and incrementally (as we see with building of habits). While rapid change has often been associated with a negative transformation of self (as in trauma), there is a developmental version of positive change, such that it happens quickly and is fully sustained over time. This book focuses on how to produce rapid and developmental changes of self.
3. ‘Sticking to our goals’ may harm our development. As we grow, it is natural that our goals and objectives change. If we insist on pushing through the goals we set years ago, we may do more harm than good to our development. Just as children who grow out of their clothes must get new clothes, or feel increasingly constrained and trapped, we need to continually move our goals if we want them to align with our potential.
Do you have any practical advice for people who want to apply these ideas (e.g., three tips for the real world)?
1. Don’t avoid negative emotions. They are neither irrational nor signs of mental illness. Rather, they are guides that, if properly heard, can realign you with your goals.
2. Know what ‘refills’ your cup of energy, and make sure you do it daily. Burnout is more easily avoided than cured.
3. Use your willpower not at the center but at the periphery of your life. This means you need to embed something you are interested in/attracted to at the center of each of your activities (creative, intellectual, relational, etc.) to maintain sustained development in that sphere of your life.
News and Updates
Jay gave a talk and workshop on the social psychology of misinformation at the annual Health Quality BC Forum in Vancouver. He is on the board of the Clarity Foundation which is a non-profit organization focused on fighting the spread of misinformation—especially in the health domain, where it is deadly. Here is the Clarity team after a super engaging workshop (led by David Sweet) with over 100 health practitioners. If you are dealing with a misinformation problem or interested in helping out please reach out to us or Clarity.
Catch up on the last one…
Why the smartphones in school problem is a collective and social issue:
