Cultures of Self-Silencing: An interview with Jenara Nerenberg
Issue 179: On self-silencing and the discomfort of disagreement (plus a book giveaway!)
Our tolerance for differing opinions is narrowing. We live in a censorious time where one misstep or out-of-context sound-bite can spark digital outrage, shunning, and even campaigns to fire people. Therefore, the everyday environments we live in can make us feel like we shouldn’t speak our mind. Bestselling author and journalist, Jenara Nerenberg’s new book, Trust Your Mind: Embracing Nuance in a World of Self-Silencing, examines the cultural forces behind self-silencing and groupthink. Specifically, she traces how these dynamics shape our classrooms, workplaces, and communities. The topic is both extremely timely and necessary.
In Jenara’s interview with us, she unpacks how our human needs for safety, connection, purpose, and acceptance can both bind us together and drive us apart. She introduces readers to theories like Michael Hogg’s uncertainty-identity theory and the concept of entitativity, which can explain why people gravitate toward groups with strong norms and identities, sometimes to the point of fanaticism (or even cult membership, which we have written about a lot here on our newsletter). Ultimately, Jenara aims to offer readers the tools to recognize self-silencing, tolerate the discomfort of disagreement, and replace fear with empathy.
“When a person is high in self-uncertainty—that is, when they don't have a strong sense of knowing themselves—they are more likely to be drawn to groups, especially groups with strong norms, rules and codes of conduct.”
— Jenara Nerenberg
Learn more about Trust Your Mind and order your copy here. Plus, we are giving away 3 free physical copies to The Power of Us subscribers! To enter the giveaway, either…
Be a paid subscriber to the newsletter. Paid subscribers are automatically entered into our book giveaways! We have two more book giveaways with different authors coming up this fall. You can subscribe or upgrade your subscription below.
If you are not a paid subscriber yet, not to worry. Simply leave a comment below about a time you experienced/observed groupthink to enter the giveaway.
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What does your book teach us about social identity or group dynamics?
Trust Your Mind spells out the ways in which a little bit of fanaticism is present in all of us, why some of us are more susceptible to it (especially online), and how to unlearn it for the betterment of our relationships and society. By unpacking how extreme groups form, the book reveals surprising lessons about everyday human behavior that you may never have thought of through the lens of fundamentalism. Why does your neighbor behave a certain way when confronted about the fence? Why does your daughter's teenage friend's personality seem to completely change when she comes over after cheerleading practice? Why do you feel "off" in certain religious settings and not in others? And how can we expand our capacity for nuanced thinking and interactions amidst so much groupthink today?
Two of the central themes of the book center around the concepts of "self-uncertainty" and the "competition of needs." When a person is high in self-uncertainty— that is, when they don't have a strong sense of knowing themselves — they are more likely to be drawn to groups, especially groups with strong norms, rules and codes of conduct. This "uncertainty-identity theory" was developed by Claremont Graduate University Professor Michael Hogg, and he talks about the related concept of "entitativity," which is what makes groups "sticky," like certain vocabulary, ways of dress, and other behavioral reinforcements.
You can generally identify the components that help to define a group — individuals who take part in groups such as mountain biking, trail running, youth groups, and middle school Dungeons and Dragons clubs may all have a certain way of being together within each of those settings. Those are healthier examples, but when it comes to power-hungry groups or institutions, someone who doesn’t have a strong tether on who they are may find themselves drawn to manipulative people and groups, especially if there’s a sense of intense belonging or acceptance.
We all have basic needs for acceptance and belonging — as well as safety, connection, shelter, meaning and purpose — but social scientists have discovered that when one of those core needs dominates and overshadows the other needs, extremism can result. If someone is so dedicated to a cause to the point of martyrdom, and that need for purpose outshines their need for survival, that can become a pathway toward becoming a violent extremist, for example.
In the book I talk about how understanding this “competition of needs” can be helpful for all of us in understanding how we and others go about everyday decision-making. For the neighbor who gets intense about their fence line, perhaps the situation is tied to their need for safety (which explains why they defend their position like their life is on the line). For someone else whose need for connection trumps other needs, they may be more inclined to acquiesce politely for the sake of preserving the bond with their neighbor. Understanding these internal and external dynamics becomes incredibly helpful as we navigate our lives.
What is the most important idea readers will learn from your book?
Groupthink is far more present in people’s lives than we admit to ourselves, and if we want to find a way out of interpersonal conflict at home, work, and society, then we have to find the courage, conviction, bravery, and intentionality to be honest about our own perspectives while also tolerating the tension and temporary discomfort and uncertainty of disagreements. Trust Your Mind shows readers, especially those who consider themselves “highly sensitive,” how to do that.
Why did you write this book and how did writing it change you?
I was raised very religious as a child, which I slowly left behind in my early twenties, but writing this book helped me more fully claim my own strength — strength of thought and rationality and how to hold it while encountering strong opposition or disagreement. I didn’t have a debate club in school growing up, and one of my favorite chapters to write was about these incredible debate coaches in Texas and Massachusetts who described not only the culture of debate clubs, but the very moving personal examples of what happens to teens and adults when their capacity to hold complexity expands.
By immersing myself in interviews, stories, studies and research, I feel like I grew myself up a little older and wiser, because there were tools missing from my youth. In the book I talk about growing an “emotional backbone” – writing this book helped me strengthen and fortify my own, and I hope readers experience that for themselves after reading it.
What will readers find provocative or controversial about your book?
In the book I raise the question of what the ultimate goal is for groups who claim they seek greater visibility and opportunity — is their aim to find healing, or to find power? Might some of those groups ultimately become the oppressor themselves? These are delicate questions that poke at our notions of human nature and ambition. For those who care deeply about the world and would love to better understand a way out of intergroup conflict, the question must be asked about what happens once power finally changes hands.
Can people and groups hold mutual respect or will there always be a primal hunt for domination? Without naming that risk, I think people and groups will fall prey to that ambition. But if we talk about it and name it out loud, then maybe we have a chance at learning to overcome that instinct, as another civilizing force for society.
Do you have any practical advice for people who want to apply these ideas (e.g., three tips for the real world)?
Learning to tolerate tension is so helpful for expanding your patience for disagreements when they occur. Watching or listening to heated debates can also help serve as a model, and in the book I write about new emerging thinkers to pay attention to.
“Active listening” is also important, where you really listen to the emotions underneath what a person is telling you. And then the usual advice of getting enough sleep and exercise is hugely important because you want to be in the best place possible to take on challenging conversations, improve your critical thinking, debate better, avoid groupthink, and stay true to your own independent thoughts.
Finally, getting grounded in nature and traveling to new environments like foreign countries can help reorganize your thoughts and perspectives when you want to shift your mindset.
To connect with Jenara and learn more about her work, find her on Substack: IG: @neurodiversityproject X: @bopsource LinkedIn: @jenara-nerenberg FB: @neurodiversityproject
News and Updates
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Last week, we shared research on the relationship between social media and political violence to give context to the fatal shooting of a political figure.
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